The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
