did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
