I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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