I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
