Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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