capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
