Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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