Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
