sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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