just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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