1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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