i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
