WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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