i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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