i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
