just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
