I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
