I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
