I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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