once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
