he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
