i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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