but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
