I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
