Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
