Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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