Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
