she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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