Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
