I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
