is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
