I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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