I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
