I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
