i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
