I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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