Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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