so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I won the penis lottery.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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