ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
