I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
