apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
zippers are such a cool invention
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
