and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
