i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
