pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
