FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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