I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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