the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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