haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
