I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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