Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
