Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
