So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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