Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
