Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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