Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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