mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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