I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
