what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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