Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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