I want to have your abortion
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
