Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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