I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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