I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
