i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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