You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
