one might say we're banned from that church
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
