fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
worst night to have a conscience
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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