my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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