I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
