I didn't shave. On purpose
Someone shit on the floor
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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