Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
