we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
