the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
