so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
