I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
