and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
