The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i love accidental penises.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
