No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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