Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
