i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
