i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
