My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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