We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
