i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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